Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
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We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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