Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
