I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
