Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize