Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
