Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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