they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
