i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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