Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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