If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
