is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
