You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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