Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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