i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
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Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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