Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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