he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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