first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
