So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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