I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
