singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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