I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
