Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
