The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
