It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You made out with two different species that night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
