the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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