I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
