Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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