Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
