The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
