at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
