He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
