You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
