remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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