id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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