Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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