I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
