I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
