I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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