Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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