Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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