yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
