the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
