boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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