I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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