??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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