I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
