at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Randomize
