Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
