do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
