Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
