is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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