Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
