They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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