Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
