dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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