I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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