ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
