I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize