Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
