It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
