all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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