I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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