Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
