You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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