Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
