I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
