No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
