You kept calling me your small dog last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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