420 ftw
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
