No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
