I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
