I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hippo gnu deer
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
