I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
