you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
