oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
