So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
