so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
